'I am very REMORSEFUL for LYING to the people who mean so much to me. I really do feel the pain. So me not going to Port Dickson and Kuala Lumpur with my friends, is my punishment. As I say to everyone and now I say to myself that everything happens for a reason. The reason will not be known now but later on when I do know, I will think back and be thankful.'
[Babe! There is NO DAMN REASON okay, you lie means you LIE. What is with The reason will not be known now but later on when I do know, what is it huh? "And be thankful"'for what? That you lie??? There is NO REASON. You are just trying to convince yourself that what you do is right is it? Yes, things happen for a reason, but your lying is just your HABIT. You are so used to doing it until it's like breathing air or drinking water.]
'BELIEVE in me again that I will CHANGE for the BETTER and NEVER go back to this LYING era.'
[It's so hard to believe lahh babe, you think what, this is pre-school ah? This thing so simple and so easy to forgive is it? Never go back? hahaha, you have to show us then we'll believe lah.. This is like the HOW many times you've already TOLD US LAST MINUTE AGAIN???!!!!]
I do NOT even know HOW I am supposed to face the both of you knowing that the both of you MIGHT HAVE LOST RESPECT for me. As Nina said, REAL FRIENDS stick together DESPITE the SHIT that we gave EACH OTHER. I have given the both of you WAY TOO MUCH and I just hope that you both would find it in your hearts to FORGIVE me and GIVE ME ANOTHER chance TO REPENT and to CHANGE.
[You did NOT even text Nina AT ALL to apologise. the LAST message was sent to me, to ask us to forgive you. Babe, why did you NOT even message her huh? You scared right? Always like that one. You always scared, let your FEARS OVERCOME YOU! Eg, your fear of Jessica, cause you afraid to confront her when she put you to work on days you are NOT suppose to. Nina, cause you know her temper and you are just DAMN AFRAID. Your mum, when she told you you couldn't go, you didn't even ask her why, AND you didn't tell us, which let you to do STUPID things. ' REAL FRIENDS stick together DESPITE the SHIT that we gave EACH OTHER. ' REAL FRIENDS ALSO DO NOT MAKE SUCH HUGE ASS LIESSS!
I know that LYING WILL GET ME NOWHERE. So, I will be TRANSPARENT AND HONEST and I will change. All I ask for from those who have TOLERATED with my NONSENSE is TIME. Because TIME heals all WOUNDS and I've caused way too much.
-Oh, so after this huge incident THEN you realise that lying is bad is it? Little white lies can, but this?? And don't you think you've had enough time already? I gave you so much damn chances and so much time and I see it obviously have gone to waste. I told you Shaheerah, I told you to not lie again, and you still do. Seriously, you said you changed, yes I can see, but to you you think it's alot, but you know the reality? IT IS NOT! You always say you can't change overnight, but not lying isn't asking you to change overnight, it is CHOOSING to LIE or NOT. If another situation occurs, and you lie again, then what? Babe, really, then WHAT?]
Nina and Rachel NEVER understood why Rashika PUSHED me aside DESPITE my COUNTLESS LIES to her. Now, I tell you the reason is because I LIED TOO MUCH to her that she couldn't take it. After giving me SEVERAL CHANCES, I took it for GRANTED and NEVER CHANGED. She then decided that the BEST way for me to really REALISE AND LEARN would be if she got out of my life and did it at the most HARSH way possible. That is why she called me LESBIAN and those other things. So, to Nina and Rachel, I am not asking that you do the same as what Rashika did but if you feel that I HAVE DONE WAY TOO MUCH then BY ALL MEANS, I'd be glad if the both of you left me alone and just be together. I DO NOT DESERVE the both of you and I don't wanna hurt you both anymore
[I was laughing when I read this, cause you know what? You are still so OBLIVIOUS to the FACT that me and Nina KNOW the reason why she pushed you away is cause you lie to her. We know already, and everytime YOU lie to us, we always say, 'now we know how Rashika feels.' ' SEVERAL CHANCES, I took it for GRANTED and NEVER CHANGED ', you still never changed right? Cause now WE are the ones you are lying to. So you not going to lie to her but you lie to us lah. Real friends STILL DON'T HURT OTHERS BY USING THE PAST AGAINST THEM. She knows about your 'teacher thingy' and she used that against you, you say that 'She then decided that the BEST way for me to really REALISE AND LEARN would be if she got out of my life and did it at the most HARSH way possible.' FYI, THERE ARE MANY OTHER WAYS, AND DOING THAT DON'T COUNT OKAY MISS SHAHEERAH.
'"you feel that I HAVE DONE WAY TOO MUCH then BY ALL MEANS", then you don't think that this ISN'T ENOUGH IS IT??!! "I DO NOT DESERVE the both of you and I don't wanna hurt you both", guess what, your actions speaks for itself. You lied, we still got hurt.]
'Honestly, this is why I do not have many friends. Because I CHOOSE TO LIE or I resort to lying in PANICKED moments. Nina even said that if I'm gonna continue being like this, slowly the people I love and care for are gonna go away from me. I swear that is NOT what I want. I want the people that I care for to BELIEVE in me and KNOW that I WILL CHANGE.'
[Did you honestly have this thinking that if you LIE, people won't find out and everything would be HAPPILY EVER AFTER? Did it actually cross your mind that your statement: "this is why I do not have many friends. Because I CHOOSE TO LIE'' and:" I want the people that I care for to BELIEVE in me and KNOW that I WILL CHANGE. '' so completely IRONIC? How can you anyone be your friend when you hurt them? It's like saying, how can a wolf be friends with a sheep? Cause the sheep know it is going to get eaten, therefore the sheep does not want to be friends with the Wolf, even if the wolf put on sheep's clothing. Only the sheep will be friends with another sheep, cause it knows that there is nothing to fear.]
'So, after the 2 days at home, I did learn 2 things. The 1st thing I learnt was that Everything in life truly did occur for a reason but the reason whether it is good or bad would not be known now but maybe later in the future and be thankful. The 2nd thing I learnt was that despite me asking GOD to let me go for the trip, He didn't allow and Mum didn't allow too. I learnt that when we ask GOD for something, He never says No. He has 3 answers which are Yes, Not Yet and I have something better in mind for you. I'm at home not only because of my LIES but also because GOD DEFINITELY has something better for me.
[' Everything in life truly did occur for a reason but the reason whether it is good or bad would not be known now but maybe later in the future and be thankful. '', Yes, everything happens for a reason, but it's cause you LIE, and this is why you are in this situation. Do you really think of the consequences of your actions? I don't think so, that's why so many of your problems are like this. You only think very narrow-minded, it has always been like that, the truth hurts, but it is a true fact about you. You LIE=you GET FUCKED. Period.
"despite me asking GOD to let me go for the trip, He didn't allow and Mum didn't allow too. I learnt that when we ask GOD for something, He never says No. He has 3 answers which are Yes, Not Yet and I have something better in mind for you.", it is true that God never says NO, but God also don't always say YES too. I knew how much you wanted to go, but you didn't believe that your lies brought you to your fate. God grants our NEEDS, not our WANTS. Your Mum didn't let you go cause you LIED. Simple.]
Sometimes, I wished I could have a hotline to God and ask him why you are so LIKE THAT. And I wished that he could take your LYING away.
Whenever it comes to a point of time whereby WHATEVER you do to me, my reaction is that I DONT GIVE A FUCK, you know that I have stop caring about you. Stop caring meaning:
