When I look at you, my mind goes on a trip.

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Location: Singapore

Rachel Roxxane Caroline A girl/Woman. A student. A dancer. A singer. An artist.

Friday, February 26, 2010

The Longest Day. Ever. So Far.

Oh My Goodness.
I just came back like half an hour ago.
I went to bathe, and wash my clothes and damn, I am feeling good.

Baby, no messages, no calls, no you.
For, close to 16 hours.
I am so worried.
I don't know what is going on.

The only thing I can hope for is that you are safe and well.
I can't wait, to recieve your text.
I can't wait to hear your voice, even though it's tired,
at least to hear your voice it's good enough.

Okay, it's into the 18th hour, and I am still waiting.
Something funny happened, when me and my family were on the bus back home, we took 54, that means we got to change to another bus halfway, and we were almost gonna alight so my father woke my brother up and then we alighted.

Apparently, I did not see where the hell my brother was, cause I thought he already went up the other bus, apparently, he fell back asleep and the bus brought him back all the way to Junction 8 bus interchange.

I tried calling his damn handphone like 3 or 4 times but it was amazingly off.
Then my father just said, "Aiya, leave him alone, let him wake up when he reaches."

Oh my goodness, I swear it was so funny.

Oh, I also just came back from another buffet, this time at Novotel.

Price: Adults: 45++ [Me and Mum]
         Youth[under 16]: 35 ++ [Brother]
         Senior: 30 nett. [Father]

Oh my goodness. I think i'll stay up till 3am.

Hope you'll be okay.



Thursday, February 25, 2010


I am barred.

Never has a word cut through my very heart and soul like that.
I feel really lost and helpless.
I know that no one but me can help myself.
I've realized my mistakes.
I am repenting.
Please, I beg, I pray, let me take the exams.
I really want to go to my 2nd year.
I want to go to Polytechnic.
I want to do well.

God help me.
I need to take my exams.

I really hope my letter of appeal goes through.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Bear with me.
You always said that.
You know, it's difficult, not being able to see you.
It's even more difficult, not hearing from you, not being able to get text messages from you.
You are out today, learning about what you are going to do for your field camp.
I am waiting for your reply, just thinking about spamming your inbox.
I miss you so much, more than ever.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The most wonderful moments that I spend with you,
could be typed out now.
But I leave it to my memory to remember the special moments.

Happy Birthday
I love you



Thursday, February 18, 2010

Rachel, Baby girl, it's time to grow up.

Went to my Godma's place yesterday, my mum can seriously chat until the next morning, and I was talking to Muu Muu and Dan about school attendance and all.

I really need to grow up already, now it isn't the time to dawdle and waste my time away, I really need to start studying and do well for my exams to even make it to my 2nd year.
And if I don't, what will I do?
I am so afraid that I might be barred from my exams.
I really need to sit down and think hard, think about my future,
about what I want to do in life.
I know I want to become a Psychologist or a Lawyer, and I'll be a DAMN good one too.
But still, how can I achieve what I aspire to be if I am not doing anything about it?
God can't just throw me into a Poly now, [wish it happens though],
I need to really overcome my biggest weakness, LAZYNESS [with a CAPITAL 'L']

Shit, God, send me a miracle so that I can take my exams and I could do well in it.

I feel so like shit now, I don't know what else to say, anymore, so now, I just finished class, waiting for Fafa to end.

I swear, I caught you staring so many times, when I read any random books, I see your name. What is wrong? It never happened before.

I don't know, I think you're polluting my brain.



Baby, I can't wait to spent the weekends with you.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Happy Days

Happy Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day to:

  1. Family [I love the Red Packets]
  2. Sha [ For being so sweet and all that]
  3. Marilyn [ Knowing you for almost 7 years. Wow]
  4. Stacey and Stephanie [ Don't need to say it out, love you babes]
  5. My dear Muu Muu, [ I put you last cause I want to say so much to you]
After going for another reunion dinner at my Grandmother's house, we went to Clark Quay and reminisce on old times. I had so much fun with you, walking, talking, just how I loved to spent time with you.

It was my FIRST Valentine's, and it was the most wonderful time I had.
It really was a wonderful moment spending time with you, you bought a 'smelly' 4 dollars rose for me from a cute little boy, and it was so sweet of you, trying to be tolerant.

We went to get Turkish Ice Cream which I totally swear I did not know the shop was there, and amazingly, you also manage to spot the ORIGINA bottle which I longed for so much.

I think you are still quite creeped out by how your body just swerved and went to the bottle.

I love you so much.


Thursday, February 11, 2010

Just one more day :D
I'll get to meet you at Pasir Ris and pass you the special thing.
Oh my goodness, I really am so so so totally happy right now.

We had an AWESOME photoshoot yesterday and took so many Pictures
Baby, I want you to see how I looked like.

Thanks to my wonderful Gal Pal, Fafa, and Sha.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

It'll just be two and a half days more till I get to see you face again.
I've been so sick ever since Sunday, I did not want to tell you.
I knew you would be worried.

I really can't wait to show the the special thing which I had made for you.
I just really want to see the spark on your face.

Now, what I am thinking of, is how the hell I am going to give it to you.

You said that I could never surprise you. I really wish I could.

I have been missing you more than ever cause we did not spend enough time last week.
I really hope that this long weekendays would be better.


Monday, February 8, 2010

I am totally HAPPY now. :D

FaFa and I got through to the Semis :D

The lady called me like in the morning, when i was still rolling around my bed.

four missed calls haha.
I was afraid it might have been my dumb teacher so I did not pick up the phone.
Thank goodness I manage to summon up my courage to answer when she called again.

" Hello? Is this Rachel?"
"Yes?" [I was like thinking, oh shit, what did I do]
" Hi, I am calling from iTalent, and YOU and SHARIFAH got through"

[ I was kind of in a daze at that moment]
" Hello? Are you there?"
" Yes I am, I am so sorry. Are there any details we should know? "\
" Yes, firstly, what would you liked to be called as? Rachel and Sharifah?"
" Oh, I think I have to go speak to her first."
" Alright then, I will give you the rest of the details as well. This Wednesday, 10th   
   February, you will have a PHOTO SHOOT at ITE Simei, Performing Arts block.
" Give me a moment, I need to write this down."
" It will start at 3.45pm, and you have to be there dressed as though you are already
   going to perform, so you will have to do make, etc, before hand."

[ I repeated everything she said and called FaFa straight away.]

That Stupid girl was like still sleeping so I called her father then she called me back and we were both screaming about it.

Now it's off to shopping with FaFa and Sha Babe.



10 Months Together With You

Besides being the most eventful day, it is also the shitiess.

Dear, I partially lied to you.
The reason why i am having a headache is because I woke up really early, and did this special card and bookmark for you and it took me almost 4 hours to complete it.

After doing it, I quickly went to laminate the bookmark, and really, it turned out so beautiful. I then went to Stacey's house and chilled there, thinking everything would turned out as planned.

When the evening came, I thought that things would go according to plan.
But apparently, it turned out to be the worst day. For now.

I suppose to be at Pasir Ris at 9pm to meet Ellice, to help me pass to Hisham what I made for you.

I, being such a prick, underestimate the time, and by the time I reached there, not only was I late, I was also out of cash.

I had only about 10 minutes to reached there so I droppped of at Kembangang and wait for a damn bloody cab. It was like 2103 and I was seriously stress out but I still did not want to give up.

Finally, being on the cab at 2105, I rushed the cabbie, to reach in like 5 damn minutes.
When I was in the cab, Ellice and Hisham kept calling, asking if i was reaching, Dearhearts, they were so so sweet, really.

Sadly, it was not meant to be, I was still on the way there when Ellice called and said that Hisham was on the bus. Then, and only then, did I felt completely useless.

That, was the bad part, the worst part was when I just only reached Pasir Ris to take a bus back and I wanted to pay by NETS but apparently, my FAGGOT ARSE OF A BOSS totally DID NOT transfer me my cash and I was desparate to go back home so I called my mother to transfer cash into my account, and I told the cabbie to take me back home.

I was crying so much and blubbering like an idiot, I seriously felt bad for so many reasons:

  1. Rushing the cabbie around.
  2. Rushing my mother[ who was suppose to spend a relaxful evening with my Aunt shopping]
  3. Rushing Ellice and Hisham, making them so worried.
  4. Making my Dad worried.
Most most most of all, not being there on time to pass what I had made.

I really wanted to suprise you so much, thinking of the look on your face, when you come back from your duty, seeing a card on your bed.
I know you'll text and or call, and I can almost imagine what you would say.

I cried so much today, and I really felt so guilty.
I wanted today to be so special.

Sad, that things did not turn out the way it should be.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Rachel Roxxane: A Series Of Unfortunate Grosserific Events

I guess this might be my most eventful blog post out of all.

  • I firstly, hate CNY shopping in whatever Supermarket. 
  • Why?
  • #1: People push your arse with their Faggotly Huge Trolleys.
  • #2: People shove and squeeze you around like you're made of play-dough or something.
  • #3: It takes like half an hour to buy just a Fucking bag of chips cause the idiots are hogging up the damn queue.
  • Yeah, I hate it.

I was on the way to Stacey's house when this happened: 

  • These two young boys, aged 13 and younger, were like talking of what they should be talking about normally at their age. Apparently, they started to also talk about Puberty and my ears craned to listen in on their conversation. Here's how it went. 
         Boy 1: Do you have any armpit hair?
         Boy 2: No, not yet, I guess some guys have Puberty at an older age. 
         **Then they go on about i don't know what and then started talking about normal stuff**

  • I was about to reach Marsiling, when this middle aged man sat in front of me. He looked completely normal, except for his abnormal growth of CHIN HAIR. The hair, mind you, was so long, it reached his Man Tits. It was as tangled as a jungle vine and black as his head. Like hello! Did he actually thought that it was nice to have some long hair dribbling down your chin? I think, that he thought that that was the only part of his body where he allowed hair to grow as long as whatever. Or maybe he thinks that facial hair is manly, so since he can't grow a mustache or beard, the next alternative was a damn chin hair. The longer the more manlier.
Men are weird. Not all, some.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Today is the day.
The audition day.
Today is also the day you went back in early.

Let's sort out things one by one.

The Audition

We did not practice a lot. Our final proper practice was yesterday, with Mel.
We sorted out a lot of problems we had and finally, finally, sang properly.
What I am afraid, is that, what if I crack?
What if Fafa loses control over voice and overpowers mine?
I don't want it to sound like we are competing with each other.
What if this or that happens?

What if.. What if..

But then, there are also other what ifs.

What if we did well and got through?
What if the judges were really amazed?

What if..What if..

The second problem, is that you are booking in early.
Oh my goodness.
I was looking forward to spending my weekends with you.
To make up for not fetching you and just to be with you.

I just want time with you. So so much.

I guess I'll just have to make most of today with you right?

Happy 10th Dear.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I don't understand why you kept saying sorry.
I know you were always tired.
I know that you cannot always be awake in the later part of the night.

Really, just talking to you already makes me feel better.

The times when I feel down.
You brought me up.

The time when I lost my tears.
You help me to bring it back to me.

The times when no one else can help.
You were quietly waiting there for me.

You were and always have and had been there for me.
And I love you for it.

Monday, February 1, 2010

31st Januay

The 2nd best day I ever had :D
Went for a buffet dinner at the Waterfront hotel Copthorne Hotel. with my family.
The food was divine, the atmoshphere wasn't too bad though, although I wished that we sat outside cause the view was much nicer and you could sit in a tentage, it gave off this wonderful outdoor party feeling.

I will definitely upload the pics soon. :D
Oh my goodness, baby, I wish you came along, but I know you had to book in.
And I am so afraid when you said you might 'Stay Longer'.
I miss you so much baby.