When I look at you, my mind goes on a trip.

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Location: Singapore

Rachel Roxxane Caroline A girl/Woman. A student. A dancer. A singer. An artist.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year.

My Resolution is:

1: To study hard for my exams.
2: To get a bloody job.
3: To lose weight and get a damn tanned.
4: To not lose myself.
5: To go on a vacation with my babes and Love.
6: Start actaing my age.

Actually there are so many things to write about, just that it ain't coming to me now.

I love you.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

All my thoughts, my dreams, my wishes, I hope it comes true.
Time passes by fast when you're not thinking about it.
Next Tuesday and Thursday is my performance date.

Tuesday: Cha Cha and Jive at Bishan ITE.
Thursday: Samba at Mcpherson ITE.

Oh Gawd, I feel so tired and I just wanna sleep my New Year away.


r: WHAT?? ><'''

random, Im talking and replying myself. I need to get a life. :)

Monday, December 28, 2009

Projects are killers, so is love.
I should write my new year's resolution on the day itself,
but then Muu Muu will be booking out on that day, so how?
Am still pissed off with an idiot from my Project group.
And Diva is playing with the keyboards now.

Life is shit, but I still love it.
I love all my babes and boys and brothers and sisters, you guys and love your presents,
but you know that the real gifts are you!

Happy F*ing New Year~

Saturday, December 26, 2009

It is true, that you can't have everything you want and how it should be done.
I have come to terms with the truth, no matter how hard it was for me to grasp.
I gave my all fighting and hoping that things would change. Sadly, it did not happen.
Sure I had let more than just a few tears fall, but as the saying goes,
time heals all wounds.

I wonder, if life is controlled by faith, or destiny?
Even if I could turn back time to change the past, I wouldn't.
I guess it is how we learn from our mistakes, how we grow to be a better person.
I am not going to talk about how sad I had been, rather, I look at the positive side and saw how glad and priviledged I actually was.

It really is better to let go of things and not be so serious about the issues because sooner or later, things will fall into its place. If I continue being so anal and paranoid, I could end up losing more instead.

Some novels and stories are meant to be continued, this one is still unfinished. There are many chapters left to be printed down.

The author just needs to leave it alone.
For now.

Friday, December 25, 2009

It really has been so long since I've updated my page, I am like totally typing this sitting half ass in God knows where. Going to my Aunt's place for dinner later about 8 then going out for a movie with the BHS Comrades. Yesterday, including this morning was the greatest Chritmas Party. Sure, it wasn't with a big bang and all, but really, the fun side of Christmas is about having a gathering with your friends and having a jolly old time getting high and totally laughing and having fun. Sounds lame, but that'll do for me.

To me, today is just another day, nothing really special, just having gifts at home waiting for me.
I guess, if you ask me, the greatest present, is to share this wonderful Christmas day, with someone really special.
Just being with that special person brings me so much joy, and countless happiness.

What if I say, all I want for Christmas is you?

Sunday, December 20, 2009

I have not been updating my blog for quite a while now, being so packed with my projects and dance, and now Christmas is already coming, I need to organize the presents and the songs. I can't believe how fast time flew by, it's going to be the end of holidays soon and the start of a new term in school again. I have been quite stress lately about certain people in my projet group, perhaps only about one particular person.

These pictures were from yesterday, after Dan's concert. I have to say, the singers kind of spoil the mood cause they didn't really sound nice, well, they could sing, but I don't think that the song that they sang was the right choice for them, maybe with more practice? Sha and I bought roses for Dan, hers was the Beautiful red stalk and I got him a humble fiery orange one, I hoped he liked it though. He seriously has a wonderful talent for the piano, kind of reminds me of someone I know.

Only, 4 more days till Muu Muu comes out, then it's PARTIII! Well, I so need to lose the wieght to nicely fit the gorgeous white dress that Fafa babe got for my birthday, I swear it's hot! Hahaha, I love love chirstmas! And I'm going out with my pals from Pri School for a fun gathering at Dbl0, yay! Ladies Night!


My Heart is finally at rest, cause it tells me so.

We Were The Reason

As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love

I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

He is my reason to live

Written by David Meece

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Jeremy and Ezt's brithday was yesterday. I just have one more to clear my december but Christmas is still around, and I am really stressing out what gifts to get and to who.
Yesterday, after the wedding ceremony, I rushed back home to do church slides, Kind of fell asleep, rush to buy Jeremy's cake and card and rushed to church. I feel like a goose, waddling around. My brain's been thinking so much, about something really important, but it kinda hurts in a way, cause my heart hurts also.

Going for dance. See you around.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Muu Muu went in today, spent alot of time with him and his kakis these past few days. It kind of feels depressing, now that almost every guy that I know is in Ns already, well, excluding those from my school and in poly. Feels kind of empty also.
They asked you if I cried
And you said
The Rachel that you know won't cry
Cause you know I am strong enough.
I've grown, these past few months, learning, losing, gaining, losing yet again.
Controlling my emotions, my feelings.
But, one day, it's just crack.
I am starting to break down.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Hurt Lyrics
Artist(Band):Christina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call ya
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh yeah

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Saturday, Drink, Drank but sadly wasn't drunk. Been feeling so crappy recently, like getting into deeper shit more and more, I needed something strong to distract me, to take me away from this hell-hole I am living in.
I am suppose to be strong, I am cannot shed a tear, I cannot let my emotions take over me.
But, what if I keep holding back so much that I finally crack, I finally cry, I finally collaspe.

Sunday, dance was't that bad, just feel really guilty and upset that I am letting my teachers down, I know how it feels to have something you love so much be taken advantage by others. I know how the anger comes, how it's reaction will have on the others.
I feel the disappointment. I feel the sadness.

Monday, didn't go school, no point, go only will sit for 45 mins, then go back? Lame sia, went mico-fishing and is totally irritated that we spent 2 days researching on the wrong thing, fucking tart sia, I damn pissed off.
Baby, I need you so much with me now.
Went back with Muu Muu, met his palzzz (bhss ppl really) and I realise that I am still paranoid of cars, I mean, I can ride in a car, but driving it is a big NO NO! We walked back to my place, me lost in my own thoughts, and thinking of depressing stuff.

Today, went school, discuss project, BOR-ASSING, went for a dip at Bishan pool with Xq, I really have alot to talk about, but I am starting to think that my blog is starting to look like a typical Sg blogger blog. Accck! I CAN'T let this happen man!

I caught you gazing at me, and I wonder what you were thinking of. Me?

My life can still go on, it just hurts each and every step, cause you're not there to support me.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Why do I see, that my one of my best friend's relationship is going through the same routine as mine?
Through her eyes, I see the same signs.
The same problems.
The same disappointment.
The same sadness.
The same tears.
I see her hands, copying the exact things that I did.
Like how a shadow follows it's master.
The advices, the comforts, are what my friends gave me,
and now it's me that is giving the same to her.
Was it fated to be like that?
I am sorry, that I can't do much.
To see you in tears, hurts me so much.
To be helpless, kills me.
The only thing I could do, was to try and numb the pain.
To distract you, to bring you joy, the joy that we share.
So, if it comes down to this, could I save their relationship the way I couldn't save mine?

This girl is my sweetheart.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

There is seriously bnothing interesting to post, just that, there's too much politics, controversies and shit in the class. Yeah, those from here who are reading this, don't ignore the fact. Everyone's been talking about you. Bitching and gossiping. You think you're so perfect? Face the truth~
Gawd, I am turning into you already.
Yeah, I smile at you, yeah, I laugh at your jokes, lame, seriously, but why do I care.
Going to school sucks now, basically cause there's nothing to do.
I wake up, drag my arse to sit in a class where there is nothing to do.
I could have been doing something more sensible like sleeping!
I just come for the attendance.
Damn, even now with fucking warning letter, still come, show face.

You ask me: Have you ever hated someone before?
I replied: Have you ever kiss my ass before?

Oh I love how the brain works.
How to be ironic, to be contradicting.
I just adore twisting your brain.
You're like putty in my hands.
I can twist you around my tiny finger.
And you think you're superior to me?
Fat chance.!

All my love,
Fuck Off.!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I am seriously spending too much time in the library. Yesterday, 6 hours, today about 3 hours? It could be more, but I was so bloody tired and I wanted to go back home and watch  the Simpsons. Sha and I had been drowning ourselves with Singapore's history, dated wayyy back in 1900s, and it seriously, killer tiring!
Today, we had our TPS test, easy peasy lemon squeezy, I hope to get a 40+ though, i've been actually studying!
Sha and I went to swim after that, then it rained, then after we showered, the sun came out.
So we went Seoul Garden again, and did what all girls do, no, not cam-whored, but talk.
We ate like till 5-ish, the extra food dumped it in the soup tin.
Went to the National Libraryand microflimed all the old old newspaper, we took  each, and I fell asleep halfway through my first one, when I woke up, Sha did hers and was just starting to do mine.

Tomorrow, oh gawd, go for some retard school trip in the morning, have lunch and haul my ass back to school for dance. I think I am going to die.

Help me!

Courtesy of J3nnay