When I look at you, my mind goes on a trip.

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Location: Singapore

Rachel Roxxane Caroline A girl/Woman. A student. A dancer. A singer. An artist.

Friday, July 30, 2010


What hurts the most, is when a friend decides to break up with you.

6 years of my friendship with Fafa just gone, in less than an hour.
Perhaps I made it this way?
I never wanted her go away. I always thought our friendship would lasts.
I am sorry, I am so so sorry, that things turned out this way.
Perhaps it's because i have not been treating you as close as before.
After being in different classes now, and worst, different timings.

Ever since we graduated from Secondary School, we have not been close to each other.
You had your plans, I had mine.
We both have our own set of friends, and I guess it just got too busy.
You lead a very sociable life, whereas me, on the other hand, the opposite.
The friends I have, you introduce to me, but in the end, I always feel so awkward cause I am the only Chinese and I don't seem to fit in.

I know I am not rich, or funny or cool like other people you met, but I guess you found something in me that you liked, that's why we were friends for so long. I know I can be really lame and talk alot of bullshit and become emo and keep talking about the past like there is no tomorrow, boring your ears out, but you still listened.

You don't know how guilty I feel whenever I could not support you.
Your dance, performances. I wanted to be there for you, and I had always let you down.
I feel even more guilty when I want to meet you but things just get in the way.
I know you were so upset and I did not know what to do to make up for it.

Just reading that post that you wrote on FB just breaks my heart. I guess I did not realize I abandoned you. I always thought that you would be okay with how we are leading our current lives, just the occasionaly, Hi, Bye and all.

Sometimes, I don't know if I am a good friend for you. I try to help you, with your relationship problems and such, but now these problems have been fading, till you never confide in me until I see some status that you put.
Whenever I asked why, you just say it's nothing, and it hurt me.
I realize now those were the signs.
How could I have been so blind?
I also did not feel as though I meant to you so much. I am so sorry, I wish you told me earlier that you felt like this.

You probably had been holding back so much of this feelings,for too long until you cannot take it anymore, and now you are gone. I made it this way.

I wish I could change back time, to sort things out.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Little Wooden Hearts

I got a ceramic hand phone decor for both Sha and Nina. I guess it was a way for expressing my appreciation to them, but the feelings goes down deeper. I just never really had a group of crazy babes who go totally nuts and love me and understand me. Even though I do have Fafa, we're not even really talking much now, and she still is hard of hearing sometimes.
I am grateful to have them as friends, especially Sha, she is someone I do not ever want to lose as a friend.

I just realize, I can't talk very well, I tend to forget what I wanted to say and stutter/babble.
Is there something wrong with me? I know I am not nervous when I talk to new people, but I guess I might have a condition.

Oh well, DSG is due tomorrow, but our teacher said she can extend our [Me, Sha, Nina] deadline to next Monday. I am really gratedul to her, cause I know that she is sticking her neck out for us.

I really want my DSG to get an A. I need that A, so I can be assured that I have a good grade to go to Poly. I have to get a 3.8/4 G.P.A which makes me so totally stress out.

Projects driving me crazy!


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Projects, yet again.

Have not really been updating alot recently, but yesterday was Nina's birthday, yes, that Gila girl turned 19 yesterday. We had such a fun time planning it and all, and I swear it was the most fun we've ever had.

Today is my God Brother's birthday. Haha, one after another. Going broke.
At least have the F1 logistics to do, but I still don't know yet if I am in the F1 training. :(
Reason why I can update this post now, 6.15am.
Oh well, there are always other opportunities, but still... Sigh.

B! I can't wait to see you, why is the days passing by so slowly leh? I miss you le Baby.
I can'r stand that projects are due like this week!
I want to extend my DSG, just for a while more please!

Raa, I need to get ready for school and still edit ENT.

FML, seriously.


Friday, July 23, 2010

Bitch Blog

I bitch blog, you bitch blog, everyone bitch blogs.
A blog/Tumblr/Livejournal/Wordpress, ect, is a place whereby people express themselves.
There is no need to be defensive and agitated about posts that you do not like.
It is stupid, to even comment on posts with little significance.

But you know, how childish people can be.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What a Day!

Didn't go to school, as usual, cause Angie Lee was playing some stupid CAH games, so I met Sha at AMK and we went to Far East, Orchard, to go shop for Nina's shoes for her brithday.

We also ate there and were laughing about what happens if we saw Shawnna there.
Then we went all the way down to eat awesome Mango Shaved Ice and went to back to Bishan for dance.

Sha, apparently lost her wallet and damn that girl ran faster then you can say her full name. When I caught up with her, she was crying. On the floor.
I told her to chill and get up, ask the cleaning aunty where her wallet was, and I didn't know how to say, 'Wallet' in chinese. But I manage to kind of heard that it was with a kid or something like that so we went to the Infomation counter but it wasn't there.

Sha was crying like the Nigeria Falls, I can totally relate to that, so I called her cell and THANK GOD a really nice woman picked up the phone and we finally got it back.

I am so so thankful to her.

Btw, I also started my F1 work and met a new friend, Nasha, super funny, Crazy girl.

You wont understand woman.

I wanna see my BABY. :(


God help the Outcasts

I've been sleeping very late recently because I am captured by the Memoirs of a Geisha book which I borrowed from the library a while back. I've been reading it until the wee hours into the nights when I cannot sleep.

Didn't go school today, cause it was raining and I have no intention of getting drench like the last time.

Sha borrowed Edmund's unbrella and is going to return it tomorrow, and he funniest thing which happened today was that when we just missed the train at AMK, she waved her brolly at the train and the mrt guy said nicely, to please not waved at the train of it will get stuck and pull her all the way to Bishan.

It was so extremely funny, arg, stupid CAH 'BONDING', hello! Who in thier right minds want to bond with the shits I have in class?!

OH! IT'S MY STUPID MISS ANGIE LEE! She thinks that she will have a bad reputation if our class is not bonded and blah blah bullshit, it's just stupid how she thinks that bonding will help us be a better class. She wants to help right? Let us NOT BOND.
She thinks she knows our class so well, hello, someone please throw water on her face to wake her up, we are like 19/20 yrs old. NOT PRIMARY SCHOOL KIDS.

I f-ing hate the people in our class.

Anizah KeithOlsen
I have a bestfriend name suriyanti, wafi, huda, sharul, ella, amyrool, natasya, elaine, faezah, haney. :DD
[ FIRSTLY, according to my good friend Sha, BEST FRIEND is ONE WORD. NOT SO MANY. *Now I know why you go ITE, your English FAIL.]
[ SECONDLY, they are your BEST FRIEND[s], because they are fun to bitch with. ]

[LASTLY, if they are your BFF, ya know, Best Friends Forever, they should let you know, my dearest stupid girl, that you are a Fashion Disaster, they are just laughing at your horrible sense of your so called, fashion.]

Monday, July 19, 2010

Sha and Nina went to watch Despicable Me at Bishan GV, and I went back so I could do the dance members list to send to Pris, other than that, B is having his Cohesion night thingy, and I am here updating my blog.

I just found out that tulips are so terribly EXPENSIVE!
HAHAHAHA! Not planning to get those anytime soon.

I can't really find anything nice to talk about now, omg! Class was sooo quite today, you know why? She and He Bitch didn't come!
So quiet sia!

Oh, and kuntrak did a video for Angie Lee and I swear that watching it brings back memories I'd rather not remember.

On the bright side, it's almost the end of Monday, so a day cloer so seeing B!


Friday, July 16, 2010


Today, or rather, just about 6 hours ago I went to celebrate Ellice's belated birthday at Cedele. I ordered a Sundried Chicken sandwich and PX ordered a Bacon and Mushroom pasta while Ellice got an ALL Day Breakfast of Rosti, Omlette, Portobello mushrooms.

She was so so happy to receieve a present and a sweet card from us. And I am so happy to see them both. So much catching up to do. Haha!

Ellice treated us to White Pomegranate tea and a beautiful Chocolate Banana cake. 

I so sian and tired to type, hahaha.

Pictures will be uploaded soon :D


Projects Projects.

Yesterday was like the most awesome day E.V.E.R!
Went to Jurong East pool to swim.
Nina accidentally lead us to the wron station, Lakeside and end up all 3 of us, Me, Nina and Sha walked all the way to Chinese Gardens.
It was such a hot and lovely day for a swim and we went completely mad.

After putting our clothes and shit in the lockers, we went to get our floats, and we started off with the lazy pool, then suddenly, after one round, Nina said, 'did you guys peed yet?'
And we were like, 'what..?' then it hit us.

Then we me and Sha went to the big slides and took the blue one and while I was waiting for her to go down, I can hear her screams even after like 10 secinds later and I saw  RAINBOW!

Nina was laughing alot cause she said that when Sha came down she scared all the kids. Hahaha! After Nina went with Sha on the slides we went to Lepak in the Jacuzzi and Nina talked about her 'encounters' with her ex.

We then went to play in the children area and became little kids again.

Then, the wave pool started and we re-enacted Titanic for like 20 mins.

R: Jack, Jack!! Don't go!!!!
N: No!!!
S: -Floats away-

We went back to the lazy pool and then another drama, I lost my bloddy specs cause I forgot it was on my lap when I got up to let Sha go on the float. Thank God! that Sha found it. I love you babe.

Tired, went to shower, go back Bishan for dance and go shopping with Px for Ellice present.

Go to Serangoon to give belated birthday present to XQ then go back home.


Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I am going to go shopping with my dahling today.
Going to Foggiare to go shop and see what clothes I should get.

That girl, so sweet, read my previous post and gave me a wonderful letter and a small gift.

Babe, you're one in a million.
And you know that.


Monday, July 12, 2010


The 4 have esch other.
Elaine with Hani.
Faezah with Tasha.

The malay guys group have each other.

Danial have Kuntrak.

The chinese group are happy with each other.

Emmanuel and his gang seems rather cosy.

The bitchy group are contented with each other.

Sha have Nina.

My Fafa is in another class.
My Stacey is in another school.
My boyfriend is in the army.

I am still alone.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


I just finish watching Polar Express.
Yes, I know it is the start of July but come on, don't you just love the Christmas period?
Enjoying such a feel-good movie just makes my heart melt.
I simply revisited the child in me.

Anyways, I am seriously starting to think of tattooing words in Hindi, I don't know why, I just had this feeling.

I really like how the words are written.
And I feel a strong connection to the language.

मुझे विश्वास है   [ I believe ]मुझे आशा है कि [ I hope ]मैं प्यार करता हूँ [ I love ]

Oh! Today, I went out to meet my dear at Yew Tee, was late, again, but then it was alright, met halfway and took a train down to AMK then a bus to Thomson for him to draw out cash and have dinner, and that crazy Nina and Sha keep disturbing me and him about SEX, like come on, okay, to tell you the truth, he was the one replying you girls!
Anyway, getting back to the point, I don't know why ah, but he suddenly reminded me of Mr Bean. He can like literally do the silly expressions and noises Mr Bean makes, so I started to call him My Mr Bean, then we kept joking in that he is my Mr 豆 [dou], meaning Bean.

So I said I shall call him my 豆 from now on.
Sounds so cute right!

Hahaha! We went to eat beancurd after that, and I said, 

R: My is going to eat 豆腐 [Beancurd].
K: *Stone...*

I love ya!

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Thursday, July 8, 2010

The adventures to Thomson.

Yay! I am meet my Boo tomorrow!
So happy, I want to eat Ba Chor Mee and Pearl Beancurd with him.
I want to hug you and kiss you till you are blue black.
I want to jump into your arms cause I know you would hold me tight.

Even though you are having your guard duty on Saturday, [which I keep hoping that it is a mistake], I will still stay at your place and wait till you go to sleep.

But I don't know what your Mum would say, still, I want to see you rest and let me be the last person you'll see.

Anyway, you called me, then I said I want to call you, but when I called you already fell asleep. B...

You ah, I know you are tired lah.
Go rest, I'll see you tomorrow.

Love you. <3


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

1 Year, 3 Months.

Dear Muu Muu, we have been together for 1 year and 3 months today.
I know it doesn't seem like a lot to others, but to me it really feels like another acheivement.

As I have said, every day, every hour, every minute which has passed,
feels like i've been with you longer and longer.

The things that I want to say to you, to tell you how happy I am with you, is just diffiult,
because there is just too many things to express in words.

So let me just let you see this B..

Monday, July 5, 2010


I know you can't be with me all the time.
I know you can't be there for me when I am in tears.
I know you can't be there for me when I am happy.

But I still love you with all my heart anyway Karl.


Thursday, July 1, 2010


My dearest, I never wanted to make you feel unwanted.
And I am sorry that I made you feel like that.

I met Sha today, did not really do our project, ended up watching Ellen.
We sorted out her problems, and thank goodness she was better.

I feel so helpless when I can't help the people closest to me are sad.
I feel so useless.

What kind of friend am I?