When I look at you, my mind goes on a trip.

My Photo
Location: Singapore

Rachel Roxxane Caroline A girl/Woman. A student. A dancer. A singer. An artist.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I'm Sorry Then

I am sorry that you think that you don't want or need love.
I am sorry that you think that you don't want love because you don't want to go through the same shit your sis is going through.
I am sorry you don't want it because you feel you don't want to be taken advantage of.
I am sorry you don't want it because you don't want to lose it to the wrong guy.
I am sorry you don't want it because you don't want to be lied to.
I am sorry that you don't need love because you  don't want the drama.

Here's an eye-opener.

NO ONE WANTS TO LOSE IT TO THE WRONG PERSON. [Unless he/she does n't care about it.]

What is sad is that you do some of those things and some of those things are done to you.
You heard the famous saying right.
Do unto your neighbors as you do unto yourself..
How can you expect people to treat you nicely if you don't do the same as well?

What I am truly sorry, is that you feel like that,
because you are so afraid of the bad things,
that the good things somehow ceased to exist.

First you were sad that you feel you won't have someone in your life.
Now you don't want someone in your life because you saw it's flaws.

You keep saying you are happy being single, but you keep going on and on about how you'll hope to find someone. If you are happy being single, why do you still say you keep hoping that you'll find him, the right one and ect..? IF you are happy you shouldn't feel the need to say about finding the right guy. Do you think that my single friends keep ranting about " hoping to find someone in my life? " 
Perhaps it is your own way of assuring yourself that there will be someone out there for you. 
But obviously now you don't want one because you see all these flaws.
Hello, you know and I know that it is about accepting the flaws.
Yes, there will definitely be ups and downs, but it is how you and your partner handle them. Not every relationship is perfect, because if it is, it will get boring.

If you both talk out your problems you can understand each other more, don't you agree?

You can't avoid something just because you saw the outcome. That's just judging.
You know that and I know that.

It's really basically taking chances.

Screw that Bitch

So true
It applies to so many too. :)

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Today I was suppose to see Mars, 
but apparently I can't seem to spot it, 
and only saw a red tinge around the Moon.
Oh well, B is sleeping now, so I shouldn't bother him.
I am having lunch tomorrow with my family at Kushibo(?)
Yay, jap food :)
But too bad my time with B cut by alot.
I am cooking dinner for him tomorrow, yes, me cook.
Sha stop laughing, I won't burn the kitchen down.
I feel like muchies.
Off to the kitchen. :D

Monday, August 23, 2010

Study Dates

Going to study at City Hall today with Nina, then meeting Fafa at the same time.
Apparently the auditions is either on the 26 or 27, and we only have a few days to practice.
B is going to have a pre-field camp this Tues to Wednesday, and the real one starting this Thursday till Friday. Another field camp, another day and night of him not messaging, but I guess I am kind of used to it.

I was sick on Saturday, sneezing my arse off like no tomorrow, then fever on Sunday.

I miss you lah B..

Saturday, August 21, 2010

This is for people who are not strong.

"You cannot run away from a weakness;
you must sometimes fight it out or perish.
And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"

Robert Louis Stevenson 

Friday, August 20, 2010

Just random.

Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
Alice: I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers, 

          but I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

 I guess I am mad, but I am one of the best peopple :D

Apparently YOU are not my perfection, He is. 
And I LOVE HIM for it.

Monday, August 16, 2010

As the days go.

Where do I start?
Well, firstly, YOG happened on Saturday, 14-09-10, and me and B were having on of the biggest fight so far, all the way till the stadium, and I swear I threw the bigest tantrum towards him. Thank goodness he didn't went off, because he loves me too much to do that, and I am sorry for whatever I said to you dear.

Afters, we went to Funan to get his hard drive and we were walking round and round and round till we finally finally got it. We went to Magic Wok to eat, but had to wait about 10 mins plus cause it was so totally packed.
We ordered plain white rice with spicy hotplate beancurd, red chicken curry and thai style fired chicken, completed with sweet coconut for me and ice  lemon tea for him.

He was saying, "OMG, I can't belive you still can eat, cause I am so full already."
Hahaha, so cute. By the time we left, it was so dark outside, even though it was about 8pmish, and I guess the funniest thing that happened was when we were walking towards raffles city, there were fireworks and even though I was startled, B was completely thrown off-balanced and shook and I laugh so hard until I had my asthma attack and we rushed back to my house cause I forgot to bring my pump.
Other than that, it was the funniest which ever happened.

Today, I spent thr whole day at B's house, relaxing.
We watch this sick but funny japanese show called Crazy Lips. Super silly, not much of a storyline in the end. Haha, but some sex scenes here and there.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

It hurts.

Well, I have to be frank.
 This will seem petty, stupid, but it's how I feel.
It hurts that she can make you laugh more than I can.
It hurts that her texts can make you happier than mine.
It hurts that she can surprise you when I can't.

It hurts:

Because I know that no matter how close we are, you both will be closer.
Because I know that my words can't carry the full meanings of my expressions.
Because you can relate to her more than me.
Because she just knows you so well, maybe more than you think.
Because I don't know if you still know I care about you.
Because I know I can be very naggy, long-winded and repeated cause I am so anal.
Because you sometimes seem irritated when I keep going on about your health issues.
Because even though she is straight forward and then some, she means well.
Because even though I want to treat you but I can't cause I have limited resources.
Because I know you still tell her things that you don't tell me.
Because I know I can never be like her.
Because I know that I am me.

But you know what? I have to accept it.
Because I can't force you to be a 'best friend' to me.

Promise me something.
Don't even think of writing this in your diary/blog.

Labels: ,


I adore Glee.
Like it. Love it. Adore it. Want it.
 I watch it when I am at home.
I watch the catch-up at Muu Muu's place when I missed it.

I just love the singing, dancing and good ol' american high school bitchiness.
Kinda see it in our class right Sha?
Maybe only the bitchness part laah.

Muu Muu is having Air Rifling today, so whole day can't text me.
But I am cool, I have my hot babes and dance.
Speaking of which, I went to school but I didn't turn up for class.
On the downside, another attendance not taken, on the upside, POM is finally done.

Well, must sacrifice one thing for another.
ENT part 3 is to be handed up tomorrow, so yup.
I kind of don't know what to do, but I think we'll get it done.

POM like crazy today, running around trying to find a lab.
Where the hell is all our money?
Why can't the stupid school like upgrade the PRINTERS and COMPUTERS???? 
Those machines are like so bloody old and dirty and sooo full of virus.


Anyways, going to have my dinner and glee.
Such a great combination <3


Saturday, August 7, 2010


Today is my 16th anniversay with Muu Muu.
Today I almost lost a close friend.
Today my brother is in Police Custody.

I don't remember any other posts which can match up to this.
But I know that it is a day I will never forget.


Friday, August 6, 2010

Nina & Sha

I adore eating turkish food, I love love love it.
Especially turkish deeserts. Those are the best.

Nina treated me and Sha to a really nice turkish restaurant, I forgotten the name, but it's really awesome! I had this Turkish version of Nasi Briyani, and it is so fabu~
Sha had beef kebab and Nina with her chicken Shawma, and we had Hummus and wedges for sides. We drank this awesome strawberry tea, two sugars each, with dates sheesha-ed our way late into the night, well, I didn't smoked alot but Sha was intoxicated. We watch this Thai show, called "FireBall" and like Nina was so super enthu about it that whenever something bad happed she screamed until one of the waiter ask if she was ok.

I didn't talk much to B today though, and when I called you, you were sleeping. Sigh.
At least I get to see you tomorrow, but it'l be so late. :(

Oh, Fafa texted me, she wants us to support her project group tomorrow, about 2, but the NDP celebration thingy will probably end at like 12? So probably going to ask Angie Lee to open a computer lab so we can do project.

I feel so sleepy and tired, I rather do project than go NDP celebration :(

I miss my b..


Thursday, August 5, 2010

What a rather shitty Day

A close friend of mine opened up a tiny part of her past to me today.
I was glad that she trusted me enough to let me hear about her past.
I understood that it was rather difficult for her, as it was not very pleasant.

I felt somewhat upset though, because I wished that I could have been there for her.
I do not know what I might have done, but if I was close to her I would have protected her.

I am glad though, that she found me to express herself, I still do not know what lies ahead, but I hope that she would not think that I would judge her, as I said, as long as I see change, I would not dwell on the past.

Today I did not go school, again, hahaha, so expected, especially on a Wednesday.
But Sha was upset cause I let her down, and I was sad too, that I let someone else down.

First my family, my boyfriend, my friends, and now her, and maybe Nina too.
I am really touched that they understood me enough, but one got fed up and left.
I am afraid now, afraid that sooner or later, you all will start to leave, one by one.

I have to change, I know I have to, but I don't know how. It is not as simple as you think.

Other than that news, Foo Foo came to the studio and said that Latin Dance will close down if the attendance is still poor. My heart, I don't know what to say or do.
I think that I am going to cal each and every one of them and have a heart to heart chat.
 Babe, I know you are working really hard to text them and all, and I appreciate you for the effort.

God, please help me.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Everyday you tell yourself.

Everyday I wake up n look in the mirror and tell myself that i will go poly n i cn go poly. Babe, we r working hard. I know that we deserve 2 be in Poly. I believe we cn and we will go Poly.

Shaheerah, your faith GMH.

Labels: ,

Monday, August 2, 2010

Flea Markets

B bought me a dress from *Scape's flea market yesterday. So damn pweety laah.
But I can see my fats sticking out. Haha! I wanna go work out like crazy to I can get back to my 60kg. Weee!

Had a nice dinner with my Mum and B after the flea market, went to F.I.S.H by Fish and Co. I had some Barammudi [?] with cheddar crust and B had Prawn Fettuicini. Superb cause of the awesome pesto sauce.

I am having such a headache now. Damn, stupid project I got to do finish. :(

I love and miss my b.

Starting the countdown for this saturday :)