When I look at you, my mind goes on a trip.

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Location: Singapore

Rachel Roxxane Caroline A girl/Woman. A student. A dancer. A singer. An artist.

Friday, January 29, 2010

It's finally Friday.

I am sure everyone has funny dreams.
Worst are nightmares.

I don't know if this was a nightmare or what, but here goes.

I had 3 dreams this past two weeks, and even though the settings are different,
and the atmosphere, the specific 'event' [ I don't know what else to call it]
which took place was the same.

He [No names mentioned], asked be to be with him again.
He apologized explained why we broke up the previous time.
The first dream, he told me he was sorry and asked to get back together.
The second dream, he apologized again and apparently he was bald.

The last, last night, he took my hand, and asked if we could be together.

What the HELL does this mean?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Strawberry Gashes

Changed my skin, changed my name.
Just feeling somewhat emo-ish these days.

I have been so short-tempered and sensitive lately.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I think I might have a problem somehow.

Perhaps it's the start of my mental illness.
I feel like I am going mad.

I hear voices that are not there.
I see things that others can't.

What is wrong with me?


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I am so FUCKING pissed off.
Went to Co-Op to buy just a bloody pack of tissue and sweets, so I stood behind this girl while waiting.
Then when she was just about to leave, this FUCKTARD just joyfully skipped beside the girl
and thought it was his turn.
Like HELLO! Can't you see me here?
I am not INVISIBLE ya know!
Then the people at the counter also like FUCK.
One girl manning the counter and the stupid ARSEHOLE who was scanning the items.
The ARSEHOLE asked the FUCKTARD, 'did you come in halfway?' so bloody softly it's a miracle I could hear.
Then the FUCKTARD mumbled something which I couldn't hear and the ARSEHOLE just took it as a YES.

I almost wanted to SCREAM at that point of time.

Thank God for my sanity, I didn't lose my temper.
Damn pissed off you know.


So I'm confused now.
There is so much to say but I might still be living in the past.
But I am trying not to. I don't want to.

But why the hell is almost everything I do or what others tell me, having you inside?
I don't want you.
I just don't.
Quite frankly, my past with you was mostly full of hurt.
So could you just get lost?

But, there was happiness too.
I am confused.

I am contradicting myself yet again.

You somehow, or another make it seem like it's my fault.
I didn't do anything and I have NOTHING to do with you.

Sometimes, my eyes try to make me believe what my heart does not see.
You seemed changed. Somehow.
I don't know what it is, but it feels like.
I do not know who you are anymore.

You said you hated them.
Now you seemed closed to them.
What gives?
What happened to you?
Did you both planned this?
Find a way to ruin me?

If you did, I am sorry.
Sorry that you are this type of person.
Sorry and VERY regretful.

Cause I fell for a lying snake.
A crafty fox.

I do not want to believe, but as I keep seeing you, the truth just seemed to smack me in the face. I hate the way I think too much sometimes. I hate the way I always try to look on the bright side most of the times.
I feel like an energizer bunny without the energizer.
Just a phat pink floppy fugly doosh.

God Save My Soul.


Friday, January 22, 2010

If I can be your angel. Protect you from the pain.
I'll keep you safe from danger. You'll never hurt again.

If you are reading this, baby, you made and is still making me so happy.
I can't not worry and I can't not cry.
I miss you.
Truly, from my heart.
Damn that I only get to see you and spent time with you for such a short while.

I know you got to divide your time wit so many people.
And I do try my best to not keep you away from them.
But still. . . .

I can't have you to myself all the time so I am just hoping to have you.
Just for a short while.

~It's better than nothing right?~

Time by *sortvind

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I guess I just need you so much now.
It has been so many days, not counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds, not having you.
I tell myself that I am strong, that I can take the pain.
But sometimes, it just seemed so pathetic waiting.


Tears flowing freely, no one catches them.
My ears listen to too much nonsense. It's not making sense.
My eyes sees to much that it all becomes a blur.

To taste your lips again.
I try so hard but you don't respond.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Just feeling kind of tired and sick. Been running around like a headless chicken.
While talking to Muu Muu yesterday, Muu Muu said I talked too fast like a train and I didn't realise it.
I just had so much to talked about yesterday, but I think I've forgotten about it already.
Anyways, just now kena scolding in class like what man.
Teacher talked about how we don't appreciate her and this and that.
Worse than my mother.

Now in dance class chilling, but later going off to practice my singing at Potong Pasir.
Seriously happy now thinking that the days seemed to be passing by faster.

It's Wednesday! :)

Monday, January 18, 2010

I think, that the worst thing to feel
is when someone closest to you
betrays you.

The shock and the suprise can already just bring you down.
You feel
Sometimes, you just want it all to go away.
To hide in a place so that no one can find you.
But you know that someone will come looking for you.
Someone that actually care and miss you.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Now what's nicer than spamming my fb wall with comments with my friend Eric?
He's awesome and we totally had such fun crazylie bombarding each other's boxes!
Yesterday night was the best ever! Muu Muu came over and we watch a movie until we slept.
Didn't go school in the morning cause I was so tired from last night.
Having dance today, and my energy is on the low down.
Muu Muu books out tomorrow at 3 and I still got a load of stuff to do!
Omg Omg Omg, *runs roung panicky and bangs the wall*
I so need to organise my time. I apparently suck at it man!
Sha! Can't wait to see you!

I need at least 500 FUCKING CASH! *so impt for feb*


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"First" day of school was quite fun, as expected, not many people notices that I have been gone, which is a good thing, don't want anyone worrying. just finished one of my projects today, thank goodness, less stress, but now need to study cause exams are coming and I still have 3 videos to complete. I went to Little India today with Sha and we did our brows while she continued to do her upperlip and boy, did she teared. We went to Chella's to but the long awaited indian snacks and I am going to have them for my shows later. :D

Can't wait for the Sentosa trip tomorrow, and I totally need to raid my wardrobe to find what to wear!!!!! The house is gonna be really quiet, hope Muu Muu can come out tomorrow so can stay over though.

Misses you to bits.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Let the good times roll.
It's been so long since I've blog, I think just only recently, but who's reading anyway.
I need to find work cause I really want to have a good holiday.
Just about to finish one of my first year projects, thankgoodness.
Sha is sleeping next to me, haha, we went swimming and am having a sunburn now.
Going to Sentosa this Wednesday, Yay.
I need a time out and shit to dish out!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Giving me a headache reading my friend's blog.
Stairs, are we going up or down?
I think I feel like I am going up,
but there is an invisible wind that pulls me back down.
I feel so tied down.
I feel tired lately.
I feel like sleeping too.
My fridays are spent fetching Muu Muu.
My Sundays are spent sending Muu Muu back.
I loved all the times I spent during the weekends with Muu Muu.
I know Muu Muu have been pretty upset lately.
And I feel so helpless.
I can't do anything.
I am so sorry.
As usual, school is a bore.
Didn't care to go for a week, performance.
But my New Year's resolution is to STUDY!
GAWD, iamsuchaprick.
Baby, it's just 5 days till I see you.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

It's finally friday and I get to see Muu Muu. Rachel is extremely happy that Muu Muu's out.
I can't believe that our two Major Performances are finally done.
Just pissed and super tired, now I am stuck with shitty school and projects, but no worries, the peeps,
especially Sha, gives me a good reason to live on.
Love the world.

I can't stand you when you blame others.
I can't take your crappy attitude.
I hate the way you think you're so good.
I don't know why you're turning into someone I despise.


Monday, January 4, 2010

Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye

Kiss me each morning for a million years
Hold me each evening by your side
Tell me you love me for a million years
Then if it don't work out
If it don't work out
Then you can tell me goodbye

Sweeten my coffee with a morning kiss
Soften my dreams with your sigh
Tell me you love me for a million years
Then if it don't work out
If it don't work out
Then you can tell me goodbye

If it don't work out
If it don't work out
Then you can tell me goodbye

If you must go I won't grieve
If you wait a lifetime
Before you leave
But if you must go I won't tell you no
Just so that we can say we tried
Tell me you love me for a million years
Then if it don't work out
If it don't work out
Then you can tell me goodbye