When I look at you, my mind goes on a trip.

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Location: Singapore

Rachel Roxxane Caroline A girl/Woman. A student. A dancer. A singer. An artist.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

A day of pain and heartache..

I am sorry dear.
Firstly, for making you go back late on Friday when I forgotten my wallet.
Secondly, for not bringing your keys.
Thirdly, for making your mum angry at us and you're taking the blame.
Fourthly, for being so terribly fickle and broke.
Finally, for pushing you away so much till you walked off.

When you walked off, I thought I would die.
I couldn't bear to see you walk away from me.
When I chased you, when we had such a big argument in Serangoon mrt,
I just felt like crying.

I don't want you to be away from me.
I just don't know what I would do without you.

Please don't go away from me.
Not now.
Not ever.


Friday, May 28, 2010

Happy & Sad

I get to see you.
But I feel so bad making you wait for me.
Yet again.
How can this be?
I miss lying in your arms.
I miss your kiss.
Especially on my forhead.
And here you are.
And here I am.
Do you still love me?

Saturday, May 22, 2010

You said move on, where do I go?

I want to forget you.
I want to.
But I can't.
How much I tried, I just couldn't.
Sometimes, I wonder, what God is trying to tell me.
Why do I see reminders of you whenever I feel like I have completely forgotten you?
Why does he want me to remember the happiness, and the pain you've given me?

I tell myself to let go, yet you keep coming back.
Then, am I in reality, really letting you go?

Dear God, I pray, give me answers.

I can't deal with this right now

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I will get to see you today, even if it's only for a while.
At least  to be with you.
I am so sorry, being so difficult with you lately.
I just seemed so lonely without you.
Yes, I know I have my family and friends, but it just doesn't seem enough if you aren't around.
Do I have a mental problem?
Why does my mood swings seems so drastic at times?
 Crazed words which come out from my mouth.
Attitudes which changed me.

And the worst part is that I hurt you.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Waiting Periods

Don't know when you will be texting me.
I don't know what I am doing.
Feeling so sad and tired.
Just want to see you tomorrow.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Killer days ahead.

This week would be the start of my life yet again.
Tomorrow Muu Muu would start some building operations test.
Another 1 nigh 2 days again.
Next week would be his 5 days 4 nights field camp.
Sian sian.
I miss him already, but I am getting used to it.

Oh well, life must go on right?

Thursday, May 13, 2010


Going insane.
Going mad.
I think I am going to die.

Monday, May 10, 2010


This is it.
I am finally going to make peace.
With the girl that I hate the most.
I don't care what she thinks.
All I care is that I've done what I needed to do.

Yesterday was an epic moment.
Had a misunderstanding with Muu Muu.
I tore at my arm with my fingers and pen.
Because he took my penknife and lighter away.
Well, I invoulentarily gave him.

I still have those marks on my arms.
I really sunk the pen deep into my skin.
The feeling that it gave me,
stabbing the nib into my skin, 
was so painful, yet so heavenly.

I knew it hurt him as much as it hurt me.
Cold, cold, ice cold heartless bitch who didn't care.
Yesterday was the 2nd time I took our ring off.

We made up, knowing more about each other.
And I know how much he loves me.
Guess he love me so much I was afraid he would go.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Happy 1yr 1mth

We made it.
Through a Year 
and a Month.
Happy Anniversary Karl.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Cornrows and Cury Bouncy

Learning how to do the paper bag curls now, using my own method and it's really difficult cause my hairs kind of 'smooth'. I want my long hair back and it's such a bore with my short hair. I am going to try to convince my mutherrr to get my salon's shampoo, it's really expensive but it's good, and it smells great too!

Anyhow, use the shampoo and people will think I go the salon everyday! :D

Monday, May 3, 2010

I feel so uncomfortable yesterday. I attended my dear's friend's birthday party.
It was held at One Rochester, one of the 'attas' places in Singapore.
The atmosphere was simply divine.
It certainly was a perfect place for dining and the food wasn't that bad too.
Trouble was, I didn't know almost everyone there.
Even though I had Muu Muu and my friends, they knew more people than me, and I didn't want to seem like a possessive girlfriend by hogging Muu Muu all to myself.
I wanted him to mingle and have fun.
Even though I felt really uncomfortable.
I kept myself busy talking to Sha and occasionally to my Kor and friends.

I almost felt left out, but I didn't want to be a wet blanket.
I guess I am just not up there yet?